I am a 30 year old woman living in Luton, England and I would like to
explain my current relationship situation so that you can advise me as
to which way I should proceed. My boyfriend David recently moved in
with me and we have a very good relationship where he is treating me
like a Princess. He is very affectionate, demonstrative and completely
dedicated to me. He is a professional chef so he prepares gourmet
meals for me every day.
Although he suffers occasionally from a bad
back, he cleans and maintains our flat spotlessly and when I try to
help, he simply will not let me. My job was so stressful that I was
getting very ill and thanks to him I have been able to quit it. We are
about to move to Glasgow just so that I can take a four year specialty
degree university course and he will support me throughout it. He gets
up at 4:30 am to go to work, tiptoes out and lets me sleep in however
long I want. He has a high sex drive and I have a pretty low sex
drive, but this has never been a problem. Last week my ex boyfriend
came over from Plymouth to stay with us for a couple of days and we
went to see a rock concert together, while David worked late and he
was fine with that too. Tonight my Mum is coming over for Mother’s Day
and David will be sleeping on the floor in his office since my parents
don’t know that we are together yet. He never complains about any of
this and is always supportive and loving. The problem is that since he
is used to owning restaurants, he has a habit of asking me if his
meals are ok and if I like them when he serves them to me, like they
do in restaurants. He has done this every single time we’ve eaten
together and does it a few times during each meal. Even when I tell
him his meals are divine and delicious, and even after I have asked
him on many occasions to stop asking. Last night I had a splitting
headache and was very stressed about various things, and again he
asked if the meal was to my satisfaction. This really bothered me, and
last night I snapped at him. A few minutes later I found him crying on
the floor in the bathroom and we had an argument about it that lasted
until 3 am. We have been together for about 6 months, and this was
only our second argument. Therefore, here is my question. Is he being
oversensitive or am I being insensitive? Thanks in advance for your
Forgive me for not responding directly to the nature of your post, but after
reading it, I think you have a bigger problem than you realize.
In your boyfriend I see a man who has some issues that are eventually going
to cause problems in your relationship. Here is a man who is so DESPERATE
to please you and make you happy that he is willing to inconvenience himself
to an extreme degree just so you will approve and like him. IMHO this is
not a healthy situation.
It seems that this man feels that, unless he agrees to EVERYTHING, and does
EVERYTHING in the relationship and lets everybody he knows take advantage of
him that he is not going to be liked. He seems like a man who cannot stand
up for himself lest he ruffle somebody’s feathers and not be liked. It
seems to be at the point of neurosis.
Although, some women might like a relationship where the man is a complete
milquetoast and where she can walk all over him at will, some women might
NOT. If you intend to make a long term relationship with this man you need
to take a look at whether you will be happy with a man who has no spine.
My recommendation would be to have him get some professional counseling to
determine why his self image is so low that he feels he must bribe people
with his “niceness” in order to be liked and accepted.
Just my take on the post, mind you. I could be way off base. But that is
the first impression I got when reading it.