Tag Archives: Man Codes

Golden Rules of Manhood

A man should never date a friends ex without specific permission

A man should never walk a dog smaller than a bull dog

A man should never talk to other guys in the bathroom

In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 guys.
A man should never sit with your legs crossed
A man should not sing and dance at the same time

A man should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.

Men do not lie about their age.

A Man should not swing his arms when he is walking.

A man should never carry a woman’s handbag

A man should never go tanning.

No man should dye their hair

A man should never refer to an athlete as a “stud”

A man should never cry during a movie. In the event that he does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.

A man should not “pop” his collar.

A man should not speak more than two languages.

A man should never say “it’s to die for” Kevin

A man should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat.

A man should not wear an ascot.

A man should never use the following words: fantabulous, ginormous & fierce.

A man should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower.

A man should never “sip” and alcoholic drink through a straw

A man should never wear a blouse.

If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom.

A man should not wear crocs.

A man should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes.

A man should never wear a sweater over his shoulders

A man should not eat grapes from the vines

A man should never rollerblade

The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone

Never drink the last beer, unless you’ve been granted specific permission that it’s OK.

If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:

A. Was an ex-girlfriend.
B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her.
C. Is you’re buddy’s sister.

However, if it’s your buddy’s cousin, well she’s up for grabs, and you’re welcome to rub it in his face for years to come.

Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game. I lost approximately nine friends last October who felt the need to bust my balls when the Red Sox lost to the Devil’s Bitches. Just leave it alone, it’s kinder to pick on them for a dead relative.

You must never own a cat.

If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:

1. Your best friends (in order of how long you’ve known them).
2. Your acquaintances.
3. Your co-workers.
4. The mailman.
5. The UPS guy.
6. NASA.
7. John Kerry.
….1,485,726. Your girlfriend.

You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick.

Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.

If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once.

There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.

If you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it’s a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.

Standard shotgun rules are as follows.

A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
B. Shotgun must be called outside.
C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.

NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection). Hey, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight of you. You don’t need to wear her like a ******* trophy.

It’s alright to cheat at any game where money isn’t involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as “games.”

Don’t tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.

Never openly question another guy’s sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team. It doesn’t matter how ludicrous the other guy sounds telling you that Jake Plummer was better than Steve McNair last season, let him be.

When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she’s dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that’s the case, make it quick.

Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.

Never share a bed with a guy, unless there’s no way around it.